One of my great annoyances in life are when people put Facebook status updates that really make no sense but because they use a few key words a ton of people give it a thumbs up and give a hearty Amen! in the comments.  So, I thought I would try to put together a few status updates.  I thought about experimenting on Facebook to see how many thumbs up I got…but I figured some people may think I am seriously that lame (because I am).  If I sound like a 15 year old girl that is intentional…

Here are a few feel free to add some in the comments.  Also, if you happen to be an “emo” band and would like some lyrics you cannot steal these amazing lines but you can buy them for a buck fifty.  Without further ado here is my emo-song/lame facebook status update generator:

Option #1: The “I Can’t Do It Forever”

I can’t (insert something necessary) anymore; You’ve taken away my (insert something happy) plus (add an eternity type of word)  

Example:  I can’t breathe anymore; You’ve taken away the sunshine forever.

Now you need a question…one that reeks of desperation and an inability to see tomorrow. 

Will my heart ever (insert something strongly desired) again?  I can’t imagine (insert a longing type of word) plus (a negative that eternally negates the positive just mentioned). 

Example: Will my heart ever hope again?  I can’t imagine dreaming in such a darkness without end. 

Now you have to express this with the most vivid and intense pain you can think of and as many references to your inner being (heart, soul, etc.) as you can fit in.

With a (insert a painful “ing” word here) heart, (insert a big verb or adjective here) (necessary preposition) (here is another painful “ing” word) my soul (insert your final most crushing death blow of pain) (now make it forever)

Example: With a bleeding heart, scarred by falling, my soul is gasping for one last breath.

Option #2 “The Everybody Knows What I Am Going to Do But I Have to Dramatize It and Make People Think I Had No Choice When I Really Did”

You have to start out with a question to your heart; a question of daring adventure.

Should I (insert verb) when (statement against all odds with a good “ing” word)?

Example: Should I leap when my heart is crying stay here forever?

Now you have to express the utter inability to do what the question asked.  In our above instance you have to either express the impossibility of leaping or of staying forever, but do it in the form of a question with an obvious answer.

How can I (insert verb) when (an extreme time clause) is (insert a negative “ing” word) of the (insert a painful negative) by my side. 

Example: How can I leap when every moment is screaming of the emptiness by my side.

You have to close this one out by removing all personal responsibility and helping everyone know that you have no options but you have to do what you know you shouldn’t (even though we all know it is what you really want but you have to pretend like it’s not what you really want). 

This (insert a fatal object) I (the way you would be consumed by fatal object) causes my (insert hopeless word of captivity).  I am now seeing that I must (insert verb) even though (insert a good word like love, peace, etc.) (now do something negative to that good word) my (something necessary or strongly desired).

Example: This poison I drink causes my surrender.  I am now seeing that I must leap even though love is choking in its sleep. 

Option #3 A random jumble of happy garbage that sounds significant but is really saying absolutely nothing. 

If you want to master this one then listen to Oprah, read Dr. Phil, listen to emo, and spend a couple of hours in Hallmark. 

All I can really do is give you a few examples and hope you pick it up.

Do rainbows dream in color, my bleeding heart wants to know?  If freedom is forever, why does love never seem to grow? 

You see it rhymes, it uses a few “ing” words, it makes mention of the heart, freedom, rainbows, dreaming, growing and it also uses eternal words like “forever” and “never”.  So pick some happy words, some desire words, a few “ing” words, put them into question form and make them forever. 

I am finally seeing that the stranger in my mind is wrapping himself around my skin.  Leaving is tragic when the mirror breaks through the dark.

One of the best lines that you can use is “I am finally seeing”.  A great way to twist a lyric is to pull an M. Night and break reality.  Stranger is a good word to use but you cannot keep him a stranger otherwise it is not interesting.  You’ve got to make him personal.  Again notice the “ing” words and the painful words like “tragic, dark, wrapping around my skin”.  Still this lyric means nothing but it sure sounds like it should.

Okay this will be enough to get you going…I will try to provide an Emo/Lame Facebook Status Wordbank for you in the future...

Comment away…

This is powerful: The Gospel and Personal Criticism.

Absolutely HUGE updates to TheResurgence. Be sure to check them all out.

Timmy Brister points out the truth behind the Christian Index’s statement: Denominations do not fulfill the Great Commission. Timmy asks some good questions in response.

Abraham Piper’s excellent blog 22 Words has been redesigned.

John Piper is now tweeting. Find out why.

This is the Carl Trueman article about Blog Attackers that CJ referenced in the first link.

I really appreciated this article by Don Dunavant (a guest post at Between the Times). He compares the downfall of GM with a few alarming trends in the SBC.

Helpful article for us young preachers. James McDonald offers advice on Common Mistakes Young Preachers Make:

If I comprised a list of the Top 10 people within the history of the church that I could hang out with and be mentored by John Newton would probably be in the Top 5. Here is one of the reasons why: The Peril of Pastorla Popularity and Pride

One of my favorite Shane and Shane songs:

(HT: Justin C.)

Warning!! You will be singing this song all day long.

My son loves to bob his head to this one…

In Daniel 6, the enemies of Daniel set out to destroy him, but quickly realized their only hope of finding fault was to use his religious faithfulness against him (Daniel 6:3-5). They watched him carefully and came to the conclusion that he was man of prayer and making prayer illegal was the way to go. (I assume you know the rest of the story.)

In studying this passage to preach this Sunday, I wondered how these characters would go about effectively setting a trap for Christians today? Would the opposite approach net more arrests? By opposite approach, I mean instead of making religious exercise (Biblical Christianity) illegal....make the exercise of one's faith mandatory for those who call themselves believers. In other words, instead of making prayer illegal, make it mandatory. Instead of passing laws against witnessing to the lost, giving one's tithes, and reading the Bible, pass laws that say Christians will practice their faith.

How hard would the church of our culture have to work at getting into the habit of practicing what we preach? How long would it be before we fell back into our old ways only to find ourselves under arrest and in the lion's den because we do not regularly pray, read, witness, give, and minister in the name of the Lord?

Which kind of laws would reveal our unfaithfulness the most.....illegal religion or mandatory religion? Just thinking out loud. What say you?

Long ago, the mice had a general council to consider what measures they could take to outwit their common enemy, the Cat. Some said this, and some said that; but at last a young mouse got up and said he had a proposal to make, which he thought would meet the case. "You will all agree," said he, "that our chief danger consists in the sly and treacherous manner in which the enemy approaches us. Now, if we could receive some signal of her approach, we could easily escape from her. I venture, therefore, to propose that a small bell be procured, and attached by a ribbon round the neck of the Cat. By this means we should always know when she was about, and could easily retire while she was in the neighborhood." This proposal met with general applause, until an old mouse got up and said: "That is all very well, but who is to bell the Cat?" The mice looked at one another and nobody spoke. Then the old mouse said: "It is easy to propose impossible remedies." From Aesop’s Fables.

How do we win the world for Jesus? How do we purge sin out of our camp? What will it take for us to see the nations holy? How do we go about spreading the glory of God to the nations? What will it take to cast down the enemy and see Jesus exalted and praised by people of every tribe, tongue, nation, and language?

Go to your local Christian book store or search the internet and you will find a host of answers to those questions. Some of them utterly insane, others wonderfully biblical. Can’t you picture the general council of mice discussing this great problem. Now put suits and ties on them and give them each a Bible and a scheduled potluck after the meeting. Now they are a group of Baptists discussing how to win the world for Jesus. Someone comes up with an amazing idea. It seems like a great plan. But just like mice lack the power to bell a cat we really lack the power to convert souls.

The only answer to each of the above questions is Jesus. Jesus is the only one that can do that which is impossible. Remember the story of the Rich Young Ruler. In that culture it was assumed that the wealthy were closer to God (sounds a tad familiar). This is why the disciples strange question after the young man walks away: “If he cannot be saved then who can”. Then Jesus tells us that the only one that can bell a cat is God Himself: “with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

So, the next time you have an idea like belling a cat—remember that Jesus is the only one that can carry it out.

Solutions to solving the church, curing the nations, healing the world, etc. that are divorced from the gospel. The only one that can accomplish impossible remedies is Jesus.

If you missed our discussion on the Foreword it is here. Also, I might mention that the entire point of having an online discussion is to…wait for it…DISCUSS!!! That means that it could be a good idea to write some comments on the blog. I know its scary; but God is powerful. You can do it. If you have yet to buy the book you can do so for only $8.99 here.

Quick Summary:

Before you start building something it is vital that you know exactly what you are building. Because the church is not a Fortune 500 club or just another social gathering it is important that we know what a healthy church is supposed to look like; there is no secular model from which we can take our cues.

What is a local church? Dever gives a few pointers. 1) It is a corporate display of His glory and wisdom, both to unbelievers and to unseen spiritual powers. 2) we are a corporate dwelling place for God’s Spirit, the organic body of Christ in which He magnifies His glory. Summary definition: The church is God’s vehicle for displaying His glory to His creation. (26)

Furthermore, the church is unique because of her message; namely, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And therefore, the distinguishing marks of a church are the “right preaching of the Gospel and the right administration of the biblical ordinances that dramatize it. (26)” The church then is God-centered and outward-looking. It is a ministry of magnification where “we are building a corporate, organic structure that will accurately magnify God’s glory and faithfully communicate His Gospel.” Jesus is the One who is ultimately building His church.

Now that we know what a healthy church is we have to ask, “how do you build it?” There are numerous options and diverse answers to that question throughout evangelicalism. Dever gives a four quick points to help govern the relationship between the Gospel and the method of its ministers:

1. Theology drives method
2. God’s methods determine ours
3. The Gospel both enables and informs our participation in God’s purposes
4. Faithfulness to the Gospel must be our measure of success, not results

Quotables:

“No matter how beautiful the facade, the structure will crumble if we build on a sandy foundation or with shoddy materials.” (25)

“Ignoring God’s plan for the church and replacing it with your own will ensure the eternal futility of your work.” (25)

“Our power is in our unique message—The Gospel—not in our innovations.” (27)

Questions:

How would you answer the question, “What is a local church”? Do you like Dever’s summary definition?

These are Dever’s:

What’s driving your church—the content of the message, or the uniqueness of the presentation?

Is your ministry method driven by biblical theology, or by what works?

Do you measure success by results, or by faithfulness to God’s Word?

I was having a tough time figuring out what to write today.  Thankfully a discussion at Abraham Piper’s blog 22 Words sparked some thought.  Recently some dear brothers had a rap concert at Bethlehem Baptist Church.  Abraham’s thought was—Amen, now lets get a metal band.  Then, Frank Turk (of Pyromaniac fame) entered the discussion with this:

No. No to the first half, and no to the second half. Liberty is one thing, and vulgar abuse of liberty (which is not necessarily hinged on vulgar language — only vulgar materialism) is another.

Just no. There should be no belly dancing in church, either; no clowns; no slide whistles; no fireworks or sparklers. Some things are not meant for worship, and we should just face facts.

I've heard this discussion before.  Awhile back I had this discussion with a group of brothers.  Initially their comment was that there are some forms of music that are simply too pagan in origin and are not redeemable; like rap, metal, and other uncomfortable forms of music.

I have a few students (actually former students) that I love like my own sons.  They are in a metal band.  I say that just so you know.  Also, I am not a huge fan of metal music (especially the screamo kind—which my former students band is).  My biggest problem is an inability to hear the words.  Yet, I also know that some that listen end up getting the words and singing along with the bands they love. 

Now that you know that, let’s move on to the discussion.  Should there be rap and metal music in a church service?  Is there a style of music that is inherently evil or worldly? 

My initial response to Frank was simply this:

Rap or metal is not the same as belly dancing, clowns, slide whistles, fireworks, or sparklers. You are right that some things are not meant for worship…but can you really find me a text that says that the form of music such as rap or metal for that matter can not be used for worship through song?

God has created us with a ton of diversity, and he is redeeming people from every tribe, tongue, nation, and language.  People of different cultures have different forms of music.  What may seem evil to one culture is the common expression of another culture.  Deep drum beats are typical in African culture—but to someone in the Deep South it signifies gangsta rap. 

My take is that certain expressions can be very helpful within a worship setting.  Rap tends to make you feel like it’s subject is amazing.  The beats just confirm the awesomeness of the subject being rapped about.  There is some Christian music…I won’t mention any names…T-Bone that seem to use this to display how amazing they are for being Christians.  Kind of like a “eat that world…see Christians are amazing”.  But other rappers like Flame, Lecrae, those from Reach Records featured at Bethlehem use this genre to say Jesus is absolutely amazing.  It’s worship. 

Now think about metal music.  Metal music (especially screamo) is a good genre for displaying angst, struggle, and explosions.  It can be used to say I’m in pain.  It can be used to buck the authorities.  It can be used to curse God.  It can be used to generate an unholy expression for anger.  But it can also be a cry out to God that says, “I’m in pain God”.  It can be used to say to God “I hate this sin”.  It can be used by God to passionately express dedication.  It can be used to musically symbolize a violent casting off of the world.  It can be used to worship. 

Therefore, lets embrace all styles of music provided that everything within the song (music and lyrics) are centered around exalting God and His beautiful Gospel.